| Life is a ping pong ball. |
[Apr. 24th, 2008|07:32 pm] |
Well, I may be one of the only women to never actually cry at their wedding. But, eh. lol I think by that point I was so frazzled from all of the stress of planning that I became numb to emotion. And really, being married to Cory is not all that different from what we were before. I'm sure that it will change over long periods of time, but it's kind of like your birthday. You don't feel a whole year older, you're really only one day older than the day before. I'm pretty happy right now. I'd say that once I finally snag a job, I will be extremely happy with where I'm at. My dog is very boring. She doesn't really play a whole lot, and I'm already tired of her. lol Guess kids wouldn't be a good idea for awhile. :-D
Anyway, just thought I'd update this thing. I really kind of would like to go out sometime and make a couple of new friends. I don't really have that many, and Cory and I would like a "couple" friend to go out on double dates with. I'm really looking forward to school being out for the summer. Once I start a job and I don't have school to worry about I look forward to going out and having some fun finally. Yay. |
|
|
| Different is as different does. |
[Mar. 13th, 2008|10:27 am] |
I had a friend say to me the other day, "You've just changed so much since you and he got together. And I don't think you're really doing what you want to do."
Well, of course I've changed a lot since he and I got together. But what friends of mine usually don't understand is that, loving someone and being consistently loved back will ALWAYS change you. My pastor once said, "The fastest and easiest way to change someone is to love them." And I agree with it, because you can see it in him and me. Love like this makes you want to be better, it makes you be the person that you might be too afraid to become on your own, or in front of your friends. I think it has made me grow up, too. I'll be 20 in October. I don't think it's at all too early to be getting married and thinking about having kids someday in the near future. And (I was thinking this the other day) its amazing how just 100 years ago, people were marrying at 17, having kids at 18, and it was no big deal. I just find it so odd how 100 years can change a perspective so drastically. But that's a different subject. My point is, you can't expect to love and be loved, and not change. It's imminent. I like who I am. I have my flaws of course, things that the both of us are working on with each other, but that's life. And as far as doing what I want to do...Sure, had I never met Cory I might have gone away to a 4-yr college somewhere and become some great career woman. But I would not in a million years trade what I have with Cory for a fancy degree. Sometimes, I really wish people knew what I was getting myself into. Because it's great. And, growing up isn't always about doing what you want to do. I pay bills. Do I want to? Not really. But you have to, get over it. I'm getting married. Do I want to? Of course. I'm going to Ivy Tech. Do I want to? Yeah, I think so for now. If I decide after I have my associates that I want more school, then heck yeah I'll go. But for now, I'm saving my money, including the $3,000 some I'm getting a year from my financial aid. So that maybe when the time comes, I'll actually be able to afford going to a university. A lesson I've learned is to not live outside your means, or you will always be without. It's a good lesson. |
|
|
| F-ing black jack. |
[Nov. 24th, 2007|11:25 am] |
I don't think I've been so angry in a long time. I am so pissed at this bitch teacher I've got in my business class. For the last 8 weeks or so, she's been grading me completely unfairly. I make a one page paper after NO length SPECIFIED on the rubric and it's too short. I write a PAGE AND A FREAKIN HALF after a 1 pg specified rubric and it's too long. AND she missed my source and docked me for that. I wrote her a message telling her the source is at the end. I'm so freakin tired of her shit. This is all because of the start of class we were supposed to write a discussion board about ourselves. Cory and I both included that we were engaged to each other and oh my goodness!! What d'ya know?!? We must be cheating!!! Even though every one of our grades is entirely different! What a freakin bitch. I'm about to get in touch with Michael Fisher and let him know what she's been doing. If she doesn't fix this last grade, I swear...
I am so pissed off right now. And I'm sure this sounds a lot like my old self coming out again and that's probably right. But right now I'm too upset to care. |
|
|
| Little games and make-up. |
[Nov. 12th, 2007|11:52 am] |
I hate clothes shopping. I can't ever find anything that fits my style and the stuff I do like doesn't fit me right. BLAH!
Enough complaining about clothes. I have decided that I am way too stressed out. I can't wait for this school semester to be over with so I can finally have some FREE TIME! Cory and I are always busy with school and work and we hardly have time for each other. Let alone family and friends! But, I have also decided already that I am taking a trip to Louisiana for a week, possibly with my cousin Meagan. I need to start looking for train/plane tickets AND I have to get going on this wedding planning! I have my dress and we're supposed to be getting bridesmaid dresses on dec. 1st so that should be fun. Other than that, I'd really just like to have one night off where I don't have to worry about anything, I can just relax and spend some time by myself, or with the love of my life. |
|
|
| blah. |
[Nov. 3rd, 2007|09:29 am] |
|
Maybe keeping my mouth shut is just going to have to be alright for now. |
|
|
| Don't get up off the couch! |
[Sep. 5th, 2007|04:14 pm] |
Soooooooo! September 13th sounds like a better date. I think i'm switching my wedding date to that. i mean, it's a year away already...what's one more week!?!
I've been kind of stressed lately...happy of course because i've got him to wake up to every morning. :) But Stress has once again reared its ugly head in the form of money. I've never really worried about money before. I didn't need to. But now there's more than just myself to think of. We applied for a first time home owners program....to my dismay I think we'll probably be moving to Clinton next year. I don't know...it's not that I don't like Clinton...it's more that I just would rather move to a little bit bigger town...that's got more job opportunities and such...
maybe after we've saved more money. idk.
i'm really tired. and the potatoes are boiling. i think i'm gonna go. |
|
|
| same s*it, different day... |
[May. 11th, 2007|01:17 pm] |
Seems that my mother and i's "phase" has passed. we go through those...they're ridiculous, but we go through them. It's back and forth, an uphill struggle, especially if dad is behind the switches on her. he's very persuasive, and always is telling her not to trust me and other things of the sort, although i'm not sure why. he's very two-faced, my father. It annoys the crap out of me but what can I do? doesn't really matter. mom wised up and told me i have no curfew after i graduate, which is the shit.
New car...sort of. 93 Toyota Corolla, automatic, four door. I really don't wanna give up my car right now. I'm not looking forward to selling it but if anyone's interested let me know, and don't be offended if I say no. lol I want someone who isn't going to just throw it in a freaking derby. It's a nice little car, reliable...never had any problems with it really. 200K on it but it still runs real good. anyway, that's new there. I'm starting a new job here soon. I'm supposed to go in this week, monday or tuesday or something and talk to the lady...i'm gonna be stretched real thin that week between it, pj, school/graduation, and cory. anyway, i think i'm going to go now. just wanted to update everyone a little bit. see ya. |
|
|
| mother f. |
[May. 7th, 2007|02:31 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
yea, uh, pretty pissed off right now. tired of people not minding their own damn business and sending my boyfriend messages after i've asked them not to SEVERAL times. no, it's not some girl after him, it's my freaking mom. she doesn't seem to get it. i don't care if she talks to him about the weather or how he's doing or how she's doing but she damn well better leave me out of their freaking conversations. It's pissing me WAY off. I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, or maybe it does. either way, it's what i've asked of her and the fact that she said she wouldn't but did anyway that's really got me livid. like i said, i don't care what she talks to him about if it doesn't have to do with me or my childhood or my damned curfew. talk about politics or why the birds sing but leave me the f out of it. |
|
|
| when it rains, it pours in carol-land. |
[Apr. 14th, 2007|12:50 pm] |
|
Man, I've really had enough of these cloudy days. These days when I wake up and just want to go right back to sleep because I can't even count how many times I've been upset or cried or irritated, or bit one of my friend's heads off. I feel like life is a losing fight right now. I hardly have time to do anything at all, and it's only going to get worse i'm sure. i never spend time outside of class with any of my friends, especially friends i -don't- have class with. Besides that, i'm ridiculously stupid, and hate myself for the way i am. i'm an idiot, pathetic. i hate hate hate that about myself. but there's nothing, no way i can change what is me. i just have to accept that i am so screwed up, quite possibly irreversibly. when will this story change? |
|
|
| 223 |
[Apr. 10th, 2007|02:04 pm] |
|
Oh me and my number games. No one ever can figure me out. |
|
|
| Can you have it all in a bag of potato chips? |
[Mar. 29th, 2007|02:21 pm] |
kinda seems like everyone's forgot about livejournal. I certainly did. But i think I'm going to start writing more in here again. I don't like how everyone has a myspace and knows when you write and so on. updates, let's see. I'm still crazy. if you don't know what i mean then don't worry about it. next. I'm getting everything set up to start isu this summer. I'm trying real hard to get summer housing because let's face it, i don't wanna drive from rockville to terre haute five days a week. i'm pretty sure i'm going to get speech and an english class out of the way this summer. speech. blah. definitely would rather have that torture only last five weeks rather than 15. just thinking about it makes me nauseas. next. graduation in a couple of months. it's going really fast and i'm excited. i may not be entirely ready for college, but i'm definiitely ready to get out of highschool. also, after i find out what scholarships i'm getting, assuming i'm getting some, i'm probably going to take out a student loan and take it out for a couple thousand more than I need for my first year of school so that I can buy another car and finally get rid of Gus. I love him but he's starting to get annoying with all the glitches weird noises that keep happening. I didn't used to have a problem shifting gears with him but lately it's either rev the engine or start buckin like he's gonna die. There's hardly a midground. I don't think it's me either because i haven't changed the way i'm driving him and i never had that problem before. Anyway, you'd think after two years of driving stick that i wouldn't have that problem either, if it was me. well, i guess that's all for now. life's still crazy right now. i'm hoping after i graduate that will all change. I really really hope it does anyway. later guys. |
|
|
| not alone, just by myself. |
[Mar. 15th, 2007|01:32 pm] |
|
i think i could probably live out the rest of my adult life single and not have a problem with it. solitude has never bothered me before, and i've never really been the dating type. i've turned down about six people or so in the last few months. why? i just want to be by myself. i want one person. if i'm not with one person, i want to be alone. there was no real objective to this post, just thought i'd get it out there. if i reject you, don't take it personally. |
|
|
| oh the things that make no sense to me. |
[Mar. 12th, 2007|04:34 pm] |
|
long time no speak. life sucks, as it always will. but we make the best of it. i don't know why i'm so sensitive and needy. it's definitely my curse in life. i don't much feel like writing tonight, which is odd. because most days i feel like i could take up pages and pages. but not tonight. weird mood. and i'm sitting next to weirdo who comes here every night to get on chat rooms and chuckle and all the witty pick up lines he's using. loser. well, i'm out bitches. more later. |
|
|
| for now, we're all about the reindeer |
[Dec. 28th, 2006|12:46 pm] |
well well. it's been awhile since i wrote an actual entry in this thing so i thought i'd get all my bitter, ill-willed attitude out before 2007 starts. 2006 and me have gone round and round this year. i think the last time i wrote everything had sort of pulled together somewhat. well, not so much. i haven't communicated, in any way with my father since my birthday in october. i'm sure he's happy because he saved about $500 this christmas from not buying four of his kids any presents. merry christmas bastard.
me and cory broke up...again. something like the 20th of november. no idea why because well wouldn't ya know? he wouldn't tell me! so basically, we're barely friends anymore. we've started talking a little more lately but he's so damn...i don't even know the word for it. it's like he just doesn't really feel the need to talk to me much. it's a real asshole thing to do but...whatever. i find that the more time that passes, the less i care about being his friend, let alone anything more.
bum buh buh buh, i'm on christmas break. freaking a. i'm so happy, i woke up this morning and was BORED! it was so great. i loved it.
well, i suppose that's all for now. for all of you who have myspace, you'll probably be reading the same thing in my blog. see ya.
oh yea, SATS came back. i got a 1630 (yay me) so hopefully i'll hear back from those colleges soon and that'll be one less thing i have to worry about! :-) |
|
|
| oh thats terrific |
[Dec. 23rd, 2006|01:23 pm] |
|
thanks a lot. i have ONE bad habit and you freaking turn all condescending on me for it!?!!? excuuuse me. sorry that i can't be perfect. and your fucking guilt trip is incredible. thanks for that. "what would brett think??" what the hell is that? sorry but i don't live my life in regards to what other people would think of me. that's how i've become the person i am today, who i don't think is so damn bad by the way! f christmas. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 7th, 2006|05:35 pm] |
|
i just don't see how you can turn around and do something so stupid and then expect everyone, especially your friends, not to think differently of you. it's impossible. innocence isn't something you can get back, and that's sad. it's too bad that some people have to take advantage of a timid, beautiful soul and turn them into one of the world. |
|
|
| 64539 |
[Nov. 20th, 2006|09:40 pm] |
big changes coming soon.
hopefully very soon.
i haven't even told YOU michael. ha. |
|
|
| masking tape and irrationality |
[Oct. 4th, 2006|09:36 pm] |
|
i'm so mad. i hate guys. why can't they just tell you what they really think? it drives me nuts that i can't trust what people tell me because they're afraid to hurt my feelings or lose me as a friend. i really wish i could just shut off my heart. |
|
|
| because he knows he's missing ou-ou-ou-out |
[Oct. 1st, 2006|06:03 pm] |
|
manipulation and trickery....normally i would be 100% opposed to. but when it comes down to being truly happy, you have to take risks and as many backroads as you can until you get there. if you have to break a few hearts to get there, so be it. |
|
|
| first of the lasts |
[Sep. 30th, 2006|03:40 pm] |
|
the last home football game. the last Banks tourney. but it's not affecting me for some reason. it affected a few of my friends today and i was the one saying "what's the big deal?" perhaps i'm just in denial, it hasn't hit me yet that this is my last year. i don't know. that's where i'm at right now. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
cknoblett's journal